Sunday, February 20, 2011

i got lost following you....

I am really having trouble letting go and moving forward. The past few weeks have been pretty rough. Actually, the past few months have been rough. Most the time I do pretty good pushing the feelings away but they manage to creep in right before I go to bed which is when I feel the loneliest. It has nothing to do with being single or not being in a relationship. Either way I'm not looking for anything, but it's nice to held and taken care of. My love languages are quality time & physical touch so the past two years have been pretty rotten with a long distance boyfriend and then no boyfriend.

Its sad to me that a really great friendship was ended possibly because of fear. I am hoping that it ended because we truly weren't right for each other. It's hard for me to believe that there is someone else out there that will actually want to be with me. AND i feel the same way about him. I'd like to hope that I'll really love someone else and feel totally comfortable being myself. Right now I feel like I'm on this journey of just being me and figuring out what that means. I am grateful that I even have tha luxury... my mom suggested that I get rid of anything that reminds me of Andy. I have to do it. I don;t think I want to talk about him so casually either. He was a big part of my adult life but that is the past and its clear that its not the future.

One thing I'd like to do is not blog so much about love or relationships. I am pretty sure I'm much cooler and smarter than to have only that on my brain. On the other hand, this kind of thing is the only reason I get inspired to write. I am going to try new hobies so maybe i'll write about those :) I am considering buying a sewing machine because I actually like doing stuff with my hands so it could be awesome for me. I'll keep you updated!

Even though I've been sad about Andy, I am so appreciative of my amazing friends. I don;t feel like i've been a good friend the past several months but they are still awesome & supportive. I couldnt do anything Ive done this year without them. So here is a shout out to all those cool people who are too cool to even be reading or writing blogs at this kind of hour! Hopefully not to leave anyone out...Kelly, Vic, Jinky, Ariane, Alyse, Stephanie Roberts, Sara Bomar, Bret T, Mike E, Daniel F, and hopefully I'm not forgetting anyone! Thanks so much for being a friend and I won't ever forget the kindness you've shown to me. Hopefully as I start getting better I can give back to you equally if not more.


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