Inspired by GLEE, I am going to make a new entrance. I am going to find and reveal my inner rockstar and stop letting myself get in the way of me. I can have it all. I have to.
I am probably the nerdiest person I know at the moment and i have been fighting it for so long but I've been pretty unhappy. I just need to be me. I don't need to pretend to be cool anymore ;) I can be a star but be myself, which is someone who really cares about other people. That doesn't mean that I can't shine too (which i typically forget).
what has been learned is that I need some me time to develop my skills, talents, and my joy. i also would like to eventually meet someone who is their own star and we can shine together. it's not cool to put anyone in your shadow.
i've let others treat me less than i'm worth in the past, and not that i am blaming anyone, but i just need to wait for the right person now. it's funny how someone can confess their love but it is a love of convenience. i may have been guilty of that myself.....
RANT: i want real true passionate deep unconditional love. my parents scold me for never being satisfied. they want me to be "sensible" and just marry a nice christian boy. I too would like to marry a nice christian boy, but what they don't realize is that i am crazy. i feel things really deeply and will never be happy with a quiet life. i am a butterfly and i want the person i marry to be really active in their/our life. we should still be able to have our individul traits but i really highly admire a person with a passion in life other than making money or even just the relationship: passionate about god, about living, about people. nice is not a requirement, but kind with a christ-seeking heart. no one is perfect and that's why i dont want nice. no one can be that nice, except serial killers.
FORGIVE ME: i will begin to talk about marriage a lot. not because i want to right now get married, but because i am starting my journey in finding myself and getting emotionally ready and fixed to share my life with another person.