Everything is turning up.....BABIES. I cannot check my facebook without seeing at least 5 peoples beatiful little babies and 5 more that are pregnant. The worst part is that they are all happily married. To clarify one thing: I do not want any babies right now. I do not want children unless it is with the right person, and with a good man I will consider having a ton (adopting, fostering, and our own).
The thing that is so terrible is that I am feeling left out. I want to have kids at the same time as my friends and I am no where near the place where that will happen. But maybe it will happen and the friends I make at that time will be amazing people. I just have a lot of love to give and I want a huge family. My whole life, it has just been my parents, me, and Shelby. We never lived near family and holidays weren't much fun (except 4th of July). I am having trouble waiting on God's timing and I always have had this issue.
I really want to get to this point in my life where I am not so bitter and I actually have a real relationship with Jesus. I am having trouble surrendering. I have seen and felt a lot of pain & suffering in my life and I don't have a lot of faith in people of faith. On the other hand, I have hope because of people of faith. I think I just need a night of solitude and prayer becaue I have completely disconnected myself with God and am just living the "good" life. It's just hard for me to believe sometimes that God cares SO much about every little thing I do.
Somehow, I know that deep down, this one relationship means everything. Without it, I really am nothing. All of the good things about me are gifts from above. Naturally I am a bitter, spiteful, vulgar person and I have seen that about myself the past few years. With God in my life I am kind, merciful, and joyful. It's such a huge difference. Some of these things can also be explained by hormones once a month.
Before I go to bed and when I wake up every morning, I am going to put myself in a routine to spend at least 10 minutes of quiet time in the Bible or in a book. I need to learn how to be content and still because I am always trying to run. I truly want God's blessings versus Earth's blessings.
The point of this is to realize that I need to be content because I am actually very happy for my friends and their growing families. I don't want to be negative and build this anger in my heart because I am the one not listening to God. I really am just waiting because I want to have a strong, Godly marriage and a wonderful husband and baby daddy who will lead our family and listen to God's will.
not trying to be oober religious but I have just been thinking about things a lot lately and realizing the importance of my faith in my life!
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, for I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."