Stirring

I am feeling kind of funny these days. Everything that I used to want for my life is changing. I wanted to move to New York, date fabulous and interesting people, be a socialite, and travel to far off places. Although, I still want to do a few of these things and several more....I am wondering if I have the right partner to do these with {sorry for ending sentence with a preposition}.

I really want to get married. There, I said it.

I also want to be a foster/adoptive parent. I want to found a ministry to serve people in the community. I want to do this with a significant other and with someone who has the same heart for God's people. These aren't just things that I want, but little missions that have been placing a heavy burden on my heart for years. Once, I get myself straightened out then I think the plans for my life will start unfolding.

*If this were true for the person that I currently love then I hope that God directs us on the right path to be the best compliments for each other so we can fufill each our purpose on earth.

At the moment I do not feel this is the case. I need a relationship for us that goes deeper. I am not sure if that is too much to ask from a man? I do not feel like I am in a place where I am comfortable with making any big life decision because I have blinders on. It's very confusing and not what I want in the here and now but my current beau is living in another state and has no direction for either of us on our future together. I am exhausted from thinking about it and living in a constant state of limbo. I don't think that this is the kind of life any Father would want for his daughter.

For those of you who know the situation, please try not to judge to harshly for I am only human...and a woman!