While I love rationalizing every part of beliefs, at some point it drives you bananas! It's like being a shell of a person. Never anything stable but just hoping to get a taste.
Today I thought about something I can't explain.
I have everything I really desire. I have a job doing something I love, own a home, a car, and have 2 adorable kitties. I have a wonderful family, a best friend, and wonderful support network. I eat good food and just started working out at the gym. I am healthy minus some feet problems. I volunteer and feel connected to my community.
With all of the "I" statements, I don't feel one thing: fulfilled. You can have it all and be happy but at the end of the day I am still yearning for more depth. I have the American Dream for a feminist. I know there will be change and growth (maybe a new job, a family, or a new environment) but even with change it just ends up just being the same.
I read something interesting from an excerpt of Tortured for Christ (paraphrase):
A Communist professor was lecturing on athiesm and that God is not real. Christians were idiots for believing that they are more than just matter as all life was. A young Christian man in class stood up, threw his chair on the ground, and walked over to the professor and slapped him across the face!
"Why have you done such a thing!? Arrest this man!" as is common for those who openly oppose Communism and Athiesm in closed countries to have a threat of.
The young man looked at him and said that if we were all just matter, then the professor would not have gotten angry and mad when he was slapped across the face. He threw the chair on the ground and it did not react. There is a difference in the matter. One has a soul or a spirit about them that creates emotions and the other is an object.
I found this to be a very interesting thought as I explore faith. If we don't matter in the scheme of the universe, then why do we feel like we matter? Do my house cats think about their importance? Do spiders and snakes have feelings?
As I explore why I matter and what next....I just have peace knowing that I am an image-bearer of an almighty God who loves who and what he has created.
Do Not Worry, Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.