Monday, April 30, 2012

One Year

I truly and earnestly believe that God is the great Romancer and writes our stories if we let Him. If we seek Him first then we'll find a greater love & timing than we can imagine.

My one true love has been Christ but I've noticed that I tend to date men who don't love the Lord. I can't quite figure this out except for the fact that by bonding with a Christian man means I have to face and conquer things in my life that I hate about myself--sin that really holds me captive.

Saying this, I know I need time to heal. I've been assuming that dating other people would do that but it hasn't. When I was 16 I said "goodbye to dating" for one year. Funny enough, I wasn't dateable anyway (in the words of my friend Murdock). I do remember that a family friend, Maro Hionedes, wanted to honor God in her dating relationships by not pursuing a relationship for one year after a break-up of a longtime boyfriend. I remember how hard it was but how much she grew from the experience. From my viewpoint, she had a different perspective on God in respect to the role it plays in a serious committed relationship. There is a whole story involved but I realize how courageous it was for her to give that part of her life over to God.

It's been on my heart to offer God my whole heart, to spend a year healing and becoming the woman I was created for in this life. I gave up everything that makes me beautiful, for a chance at romance. The most beautiful I could ever be is when I am honoring the Lord. I've been using charm and physical beauty to attract men but in reality that has been a false and shallow show. I want something deeper and more meaningful. I only want to get married once and I'd love to build a life with another person. A friend, companion, and lover. Someone who loves God and others. We draw each other to Christ and not farther away.

Starting May 1st, I'm making this promise to God to start working in me. I'll need the strength to move forward in this journey. To be honest, im scared as hell. Facing your demons isn't for the faint of heart. I will continue to build friendships but it can't go farther than that for this year until God reveals Himself to me and/or another person. Which means i'll have to say "no" a lot - not my specialty. I do know that if this is from God, then He will be my rock.

1 comment:

Lauren said...

well, I've totally screwed this up. try again?