Thursday, December 2, 2010

heart's epitaph

I thought you were in a punk rock band
Instead you tuned software, kinda rad.
I caught you eating popsicles in bed,
Watching Sci-fi tv on a crate
What a geek i had.
In your arms I felt so loved
We were each other's perfect mold.
Now you belong to another girl
and I'm losing that forever hold.

I tried everything and I feel like i put myself out there and still ended up with nothing. three and a half years of andy. it wasn't perfect but it was great to be with someone who fit. that was the last person who i wanted to be with and have no energy to do that again. one bad relationship away from being a cat lady. i could at least have one dog. for now i attempt to write bad poetry or lyrics to a crappy song. i am seriously thinking of being single forever. not that i'm ruined in the dating category but its all bullcrap. i just want to be with someone who i love to be with them and work as a team. i also want that teammate to want to be married. probably the most painful thing is walking around acting like it while at the same time the person has no intention of making it a happy valued relationship that is forever. i feel like i'm pretty simple, it just gets messy when there is so much outside influence on a relationship.

wishing i could start over. knowing i can't.

Philippians 3:11-14
The Message Version
"I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back"

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