Double Standards

It is interesting how nothing I do matters. Everything everyone else does or does not do is a big deal. Confusing? Sure. Example: if i go on a date and i'm not into the person, i may never call again. If someone does that to me, it wildly pisses me off. If i kiss someone it is no big deal, but if my boyfriend who i broke up with kisses someone else, i feel stabbed to the core. and funny thing is, i never thought kissing was a big deal. maybe it isnt. unless it is. i need a friend to tell me i am crazy and i should move on if this is where it is coming to. or i need him to want me or to just leave me alone. i can't do dual relationships. my life is here not there.

speaking of life, i just finished my internship at Mayo. It was pretty awesome but I am sad to leave it. i will miss a few of of the patients and their caregivers. it was neat to see people get their transplants after waiting for so long. I wish i could have gotten more individual time with patients but that is just the nature of the beast. Now I am interviewing for a job and maybe applying for another just so I can have a back-up plan. that reminds me that I should call now.

I am looking in the mirror noticing that one of my eyebrows naturally goes up father than the other. It looks like I am making a questioning face lol. Well, as for dating....it sucks. It is fun until someone tries to sleep with you the first date. i feel like ive been married and divorced and 20 years later i have to do this dating thing all over again (which i was never that great at anyway). Where are the men in this world who are respectful?? I feel like both men and women have these great expectations in finding a mate that you have to be PERFECT in order for smeone to decide to settle down. I am not even too good to be untouched by this culturally deficient moral standard (if that makes sense). I just dont know what it is i am waiting for. what if i never get the big A-HA! moment?

until then, waiting. and maybe acting impulsively