Monday, December 8, 2008

Double Standards

It is interesting how nothing I do matters. Everything everyone else does or does not do is a big deal. Confusing? Sure. Example: if i go on a date and i'm not into the person, i may never call again. If someone does that to me, it wildly pisses me off. If i kiss someone it is no big deal, but if my boyfriend who i broke up with kisses someone else, i feel stabbed to the core. and funny thing is, i never thought kissing was a big deal. maybe it isnt. unless it is. i need a friend to tell me i am crazy and i should move on if this is where it is coming to. or i need him to want me or to just leave me alone. i can't do dual relationships. my life is here not there.

speaking of life, i just finished my internship at Mayo. It was pretty awesome but I am sad to leave it. i will miss a few of of the patients and their caregivers. it was neat to see people get their transplants after waiting for so long. I wish i could have gotten more individual time with patients but that is just the nature of the beast. Now I am interviewing for a job and maybe applying for another just so I can have a back-up plan. that reminds me that I should call now.

I am looking in the mirror noticing that one of my eyebrows naturally goes up father than the other. It looks like I am making a questioning face lol. Well, as for sucks. It is fun until someone tries to sleep with you the first date. i feel like ive been married and divorced and 20 years later i have to do this dating thing all over again (which i was never that great at anyway). Where are the men in this world who are respectful?? I feel like both men and women have these great expectations in finding a mate that you have to be PERFECT in order for smeone to decide to settle down. I am not even too good to be untouched by this culturally deficient moral standard (if that makes sense). I just dont know what it is i am waiting for. what if i never get the big A-HA! moment?

until then, waiting. and maybe acting impulsively

1 comment:

kBasarab said...

Hey Lauren. Just saw you had a blog. Good stuff. Isn't funny how no matter how hard you try not to have double standards you do. everyone does it and never even realizes it. Glad to hear your internship went well and have fun at the 'horn tonight.