standing still

There are some points in my life I just want to remember the small things.
i used to literally take a mental picture of myself walking to the mailbox and back, trying to remember each step so i could save it for a million years. i would collect leaves, sticks, and even gravel rocks from places i've been to remember unmemorable moments. i am feeling this right now-a fleeting thought that i havent had since i was maybe 10. i want to remember every minute.

i guess i have a fatalistic view of life. i am so desperately holding onto the past. if i let go, it may never come back. it may never be important. and it was! this is my life we are talking about but i am too afraid to push forward and explore. what if everything i do is to create amazing memories but then that's all they are before they even happen?

anyway, andy is sleeping and i am wide awake in the living room squinting to see the keyboard. it doesnt seem fair i can never sleep. i guess this is what happens at 3am when it is supposed to be 4am and i went to bed by 11.

oh, on another note. today (or yesterday) i finally realized how much i actually hate text messaging. it gets you into odd situations i have found. especially mass texting. we arent friends. the end.