Friday, June 29, 2012


I'm feeling close to just letting go, no holding back, just being me. I am always trying to be an idea of what I think a person like me should be. I'm just never happy. Sometimes I feel so comfortable in my skin, but mostly I just feel awkward. Being tall is partly to blame. Anyway, I finally feel that at the age of 26 1/2 I'm realizing that I can just be me and stop worrying what my parents, people at church, or society will think of me or do with me. Other people are always attempting to correct my behavior...but I'm a grown woman.

"Don't date this kind of person because others won't accept you" "If you get a tattoo then you can't get this type of job" "It's not going to be different anywhere else" "If you keep doing this you'll never get married"

I'm just sick of attempting to have an image of perfect. I just want to be at peace with who I am, imperfect flaws and everything. I want to feel deeply and be able to really love without fear, guilt, or shame. I always wished I could be like a boy because they seemed more free. Girls have too many rules placed on us. Some rules are told us from the time we were little, others are unspoken but understood based on culture. I just wanted to climb trees and light things on fire when I was younger. I really just wanted to feel completely free: free of fear.

Anyway, I'm ready for a new chapter in my life>break away from the nest and discover my true self.


tbui said...

Guys have rules and expectations placed on us as well. Dont show emotion. No crying. Play sports. Stop thinking too much like a woman. Dont be weak. Theres a lot of pressures on us as well. Key is to be happy with yourself. Do what you like. No regrets. Be comfortable and confident in who you are as a person. Thata the closest to being free a person can get in society.

Lauren said...

thanks for saying that! i completely get it. so much pressure from other people, i wonder why we do that to each other. maybe it's just fear.