Castaway Kid

I just finished reading this book, "Castaway Kid" and it plainly showed the grace, mercy, and working of God in our lives. It is about a boy who grows into a man. He was raised in an orphanage in Illinois and was deeply troubled with the rejection and abandonment of his childhood. It is a quick read and i would suggest it to everyone in reading.

i've had a lot on my mind lately but i'm having trouble getting the words out. as the end of the year draws closer, so does the realization that i need to get ready for a few changes going on in my life. i am finally moving out of my parents house and into my own place in Springfield. I cannot express how excited and terrified that i truly am. i am excited to make friends with my neigbors and have a fresh start. something that's my own. on the other hand, i get nervous about being by myself or someone stalking me. but, it will be an exciting adventure all in its own! i am tryin not to get too caught up in decorating or buying a lot of "stuff" for my place. i am trying to live as simple as possible so i won;t get too attached to my things in case God calls me to leave. As much as I would like to move to a new city, i am not getting that feel quite yet.

right now i am trying to figure out what my spiritual gifts are and i am learning a lot from my mom about this. i have grown up learning about the gifts of the spirit but never really understood them as anything other than almost personality traits. my whole life i always just thought it was mercy and compassion. now i think its more than that. like God has been molding me for some time about where His heart is for my life. in the past few years looking back, i can vividly see God working. I can't attribute it to anything else. everything i do is either in direct rebellion of or love for God. at some points even apathetic. but God put people in my path to show His unconditional love for me and reminding me He is not letting go of me so easily. now, the closer i reach out for God the more i realize i can never get to Him on my own. I think this is the essence of being a Christian. it's not about going to church on Sundays or being really giving and nice to people. it's not about singing praise songs or reading the Bible everyday. it's not about going on mission trips or wearing WWJD wristbands.

Being a Christian is simply this:
"If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

As far and as hard as i can try to reach out to God, without the death and ressurection of Jesus Christ, the blood sacrifice paid for my disobedience and selfishness, then i could never cross that bridge to God. His blood and his glory cover my imperfection so that i can be in God's presence. Having faith in the unseen and giving my life over to he that made me is the only key to being saved from an eternity seperated from my Father.

every moment i do spend reading the Bible, i just fall more in love with my Dad aka God. it probably sounds silly and foolish to those who have never experienced this type of love. the other night i was really angry. i mean, hateful-angry! andy has just hurt me by loving someone else and it just feels awful. i was ready to send him an email saying that i never wanted anything to do with him and to just totally get rid of him from my life. anger like that is poisonous and can really tear you up physically and emotionally. befor ebed, i knew that it wasn't right and that it wasn't anything personal but it still hurt. I had to give it to God to take away because the pain was killing me. i was skeptical that it would be a quick turn around, but the next morning i felt completely at peace. it's like the chord had been cut and i could release that pain. i even felt like celebrating for his new life and the possibility that he could find love again!

it may sound like rambling but there is a point. there is no way i could have given myself that peace because i didn't really know how to get it. God is Father & Counselor. in my dark times, He is light. when i feel defeated, He is the arms that comfort me and tell me i'm beautiful.